I have a dream.
I have a dream that someday I’ll own a restaurant. And some Saturday night, a couple will walk in to have dinner. One will be the CEO of a bank. And one will be the CEO of a cell phone company.
They’ll have a great time. As like-minded individuals, they’ll enjoy each other’s company. Fine food and fine wine will enrich their time together.
And then they’ll get the bill. I’ll smile from behind one-way glass as the attractive waitress delivers it to their table. I’ll smile bigger as they smile and thank her for it.
On the bill, they’ll read the list of charges. It’ll have details on how much the food and the wine cost. It’ll detail the tax. There will be a space for a tip. And in addition to all that, they’ll read the following:
- Unlocked Door Fee – $6.95
- Clean Utensil Fee – $2.95
- Sharp Knife Fee – $3.95
- Bite Fee (432 bites @ $0.05/ea) – $21.60
- Functional Emergency Exit Fee – $6.95
- Table Rental Fee (60 minutes at $0.10) – $0 (included)
- Table Rental Overage Fee (36 minutes at $0.35/ea) – $12.60
- Roaming Charges (for bathroom use, 10 minutes @ $1.00/ea) – $10.00
The list of charges will be followed by a brief notice that says, “We bill one visit in advance, so your first bill will be twice your expected expense.”
And then a hand-written note, expressing my esteem, “Thank you for dining at Chez Bendemover. You inspire us. Come again soon.”
Of course, the two CEOs would likely be enraged and refuse to pay the bill.
So then why do they charge the rest of us for similar, ridiculous, imaginary things?
And why do we pay them?
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